Bless It

When you are from the South, you will use the phrase "bless your heart" more times than you realize. Occasionally, we say this and actually mean that we understand, we feel your pain, and/or we just get it. However the majority of the time, we are really saying,  "That fool is so screwed.", or "Yes, screw you very much too."

This is me and July. We have a complicated relationship. If you are in any kind of proximity to me in the month of July, I apologize. More often than not, I do a little happy dance when August 1st rolls around.

July has its fair share of good. We've got births. Both of my daughters were born in July. My friend, Cam, gave birth to a little girl in July. Another old friend had a son in July. Hell, the birth of our nation took place in July.

But we also have deaths.

Remember my friend, Cam? Her daughter, Brooklyn, also passed in July, the 23rd, her birthday. My grandmother passed on July 6th, 2007. One day (and a few years) away from my youngest's birthday of July 7th, 2011. My grandmother loved to go to the casino riverboats so when she passed on 7/6/07, we kind of joked that she almost got that jackpot. Then my youngest was born on 7/7/11 at 11:17am. I knew my grandmother was there. Both of my husband's grandmother's passed in July. One on the 10th, one on the 25th, which happens to be my oldest daughter's birthday too. Most recently, my niece, Kiana, took her own life. On July 23rd. The day my best friend gave birth to and lost her first daughter. Two days later, on my oldest daughter's birthday, my brother lost his childhood best friend to liver cancer.

My niece, Kiana.
I swear I can't make this shit up. And it doesn't get better...

This one time, my friend and her husband and son decided to pack up and move to the peachy state of Georgia. They were back in less than 24 hours because when they arrived at the new rental home, it was falling apart. To the point that there was no way they could stay even one night.

We went camping last year and squirrels ate a hole through our tent to get hot cocoa mix. There was squirrel shit everywhere. Not to mention, it was also 100F in the shade the entire week and we had severe storms. Every day!

Last week, my dad packed up a small bag and headed to Florida. It's about a 15 hour drive from our place to where my brothers live. He originally thought he would leave around 3 or 4 o'clock because it's easier to drive straight through at night. He was ready to go by 11am though so he left out around 11:30am. At almost 4pm, my phone rang. He was stuck. In Chattanooga. Still 10+ hours from his destination. So after my husband had been at work for 10 hours, he got home, did a quick clothing change, and we headed back out. We borrowed a trailer big enough to load up my dad's vehicle, but realized after looking for 30+ minutes and several phone calls, that the ramps my husband just made specifically for the work trailer last week... had been sold by the office manager. So we had to track down ramps before we could leave. We get to Chattanooga and the truck is running fine. He thinks getting caught in a many miles long traffic jam must have messed up some sensor... yada, yada. He follows us home because we failed to realize this trailer HAS NO LIGHTS.

Eight-ish hours later we roll back into Bowling Green. It's 2am. My dad is about to pass out. So we stop at Waffle House, Chris goes home. My dad and I have breakfast and coffee at 2am at a Waffle House that is surprisingly hoppin' for the hour. There were even a couple of guys playing guitars and banjos singing Johnny Cash songs.

Are you still here? Still following along? Bless you. No, seriously.

I hate to even talk about this because it may be embarrassing for her later, but... I had to take my youngest to the pediatrician on Monday because she had what is called a labial adhesion. I'm not going to explain it, but you can gather that the procedure was painful. Moments after leaving the doctor's office with a little girl that just want to go home, Mother Nature let loose a deluge of rain. Flash flooding amounts of rain. I had to stop several times on the way back home because I couldn't see even a foot in front of me. Now she is holding her pee in because it hurts to go to the bathroom and she cries in pain every time. *sigh*

Monsoon season...
My sister-in-law calls on Monday evening and tells my dad he's coming to Florida. She books him a round trip plane ticket. Outbound flight is on Wednesday. Now my two oldest kids are still doing band camp, 8am to 4pm everyday and my son is also doing soccer practices from 7pm to 9pm every night. Rowan has her 4 year vaccines scheduled for Wednesday morning so I call and reschedule those, which works out fine because the new appointment is in AUGUST. Now my friend Pam has an entrance interview type dealio at the school she is starting classes at soon at 8am on Wednesday morning so I tell her it's fine that her daughter stays with us Tuesday. This is ok too because Chris just goes to work an hour later than normal and drops all three kids at band camp. *shoo*

Meanwhile, my dad's flight is scheduled for 9:24am out of Evansville, IN. We get up at 5am. I get myself ready, coax the youngest to please use the bathroom before we leave, fix a cup of coffee, and we are on the road before 6am. Granted it was 5:59am. Still counts as before 6am.

We don't take the shortest route because Google says the road is closed in one section. Google was wrong, but I'll get to that in a minute. Dad is nervous because he hasn't flown in a great many years. He's not sure what to expect anymore. I'm nervous because I don't normally do this kind of driving. The husband usually does all that. We arrived at the airport without incident an hour and a half before scheduled departure. A miracle all by itself. We say our goodbyes and I head back home.

Dad calls about 30 minutes later to let me know they have delayed the flight by an hour. I GOT UP AT 5AM, BUSTED ASS TO GET THERE EARLY AND THEY DELAYED THE FLIGHT. *breathe* I decided I wasn't going to take the long way home and got off the parkway at the next exit. Driving down a skinny, country road in Henderson County, Kentucky between two parkways, I get stopped at some construction where the backhoe is half on my side of the road. The workers help me slowly move between the ditch on one side and the backhoe on the other. Not 10 miles down the road, I run into a farming incident. The entire road is blocked by a "hi-boy" (vehicle with very tall, skinny tires, able to drive through crops without damaging them) that has accidentally fallen off the side of the road and can't get up. So another farm equipment vehicle is there trying to pull it out.

I just want to go home. And drink. At 10am.

Finally get through all of this, make my way to Owensboro, the parkway is not closed (just under construction), and get myself home. I call my dad to let him know that I've made it safely. His flight doesn't take off until almost 11:30am, two hours after it was scheduled to take off, which means he will miss his connecting flight in Atlanta. They get him on another flight, on a bigger plane, and he is happy.

The roofers finally came, but did not repair the roof correctly (used brown shingles instead of black ones and only patched areas) and they were supposed to return this week to redo it properly. Haven't seen them. My washing machine stopped working, had to wait a week for the repairman to come, who had to order parts and couldn't return to install them for two weeks. Due to be here tomorrow. Oh and one of our cats got run over.

July. Bless it. One more day.


  1. Holy cow. How are you NOT drunk right now??

    1. I have no idea. Coincidentally, I found out yesterday that I have NOTHING scheduled today. No band camp, no soccer practice, no meetings, or appointments. I think I'm going to start day drinking today. Farewell July!

  2. I am so sorry for all the rubbish you are enduring and that July seems to rain on you.....but I sort of loved this. You got a really good bit of writing out of it. One more day and I hope it goes by calmly and uneventfully.

    1. Thank you! I know it felt good to get it all out. Just one more day!!